Please Choose Me

This is my unemployment journal. I have never been unemployed before - so, this is a new/frustrating experience for me and my Cleveland-based family. I will write -- not wallow.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Family Outing

So, today. Interesting day. Met my future sister-in-law's brothers and their families. My brother and my soon-to-be s-i-l hosted a cookout at their home. It was fun and eye-opening. My brother in a domestic situation. My brother manning the grill. My brother behaving like an adult. It was wonderful. I am so excited for him. My children are over the moon about the whole thing. They acquire a new aunt and three new cousins in the deal.

Just one weird fear cast a pall on my afternoon. I feared the inevitable, "so what do you do" question and the the "look" that follows. The "oh, isn't that a shame - now let's move on" look that you have to squirm around in public when you make people uncomfortable with your unemployed state.

Thank God it never came up.

Future s-i-l however did mention the out-of-town interview. She doesn't want us to leave Ohio now that we are to become part of the same family.

Frankly, I wish I could stay in NEO too but it doesn't appear to be in the cards.

A Little Devine Intervention

One more thing. It occurred to me today that I've been praying much, much more than I ever have in the past. A lot more.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

A few days to go

before I have the interview for a really great opportunity. Or, for what I think is a really great opportunity. We'll see on Tuesday I suppose. I think the best possible outcome would be for them to really want me. It's weird to be on the lookout for opportunities to validate your worth in the marketplace. I can't even begin to explain how needy you feel after going for days or even week without any feedback from your correspondence. It's really depressing. And, energy draining.

Even if I do have a positive outcome, I am faced with the prospect of uprooting my family. Moving almost 400 miles from Cleveland to start over in a new location. I can't say that it makes me wildly popular on the homefront. My oldest is absolutely livid that we may be faced with a move in her senior year. I can't say that I blame her. But, we have to do what's best for the entire family. We've decided that having a steady and sufficient income is a good thing. All except one member of the family. I don't know if she will ever come around or forgive me.

My portfolio is coming together. I'm reviewing my talking points and interview guide.

Hope they want me. And, in turn, I hope this is the right place for me.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Maybe this long period of waiting is a good thing

Today, for the first time in months, a handful of really great jobs have surfaced locally. I'm eager to respond and present the best package I can but am a little wary of becoming too hopeful. Because I've been looking for a while now. But, I was thinking earlier today that maybe this extended dry spell is a good thing. I've had the opportunity to really think about what I will and will not do for a living. I have been able to really think about what I'm worth in the marketplace. I've always been willing to take whatever I'm offered - which I know is a bad strategy - but have never felt secure or confident enough to hold out for what I really want.

But I've come to realize that I can do a lot for the right company. I just need to find it.

Friday, May 20, 2005

The little things in life keep you going

So, I've been pretty successful sticking to my "do at least one meaningful thing a day to find a job" pledge to myself. Most days I spend hours responding to dozens of positions posted in a long list of jobs boards. But even at my lowest point I've managed to at least one meaningful action.

My husband said something to me yesterday that really buoyed my spirits, "you know, there are companies with people who work just the way you do. You just have to hang in there until you find them. Because once you do it will make all the difference in your career."

He's right. I need to work with people who don't stop working until a job is done. People who feed off of one another's enthusiasm and ability to brainstorm. People who don't settle for good enough. People who delight in exceeding expectations and leading the charge. I just need to hang tough until I find them.

I'm one week away from my interview in upstate New York. I can't believe how nervous I am. I've really got to get it under control before then.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Still trying to get on with life

I can't believe how many online opportunities exist to spend money on a job search. Seriously. Today I decided to bite the bullet and register for Resume Rabbit a distribution aggregator. They will post my resume on 103 websites within 48 hours (for $59.95) and frankly better them than me because I am blind and burned out from responding to daily postings and posting my credentials on job boards. It's humiliating and frustrating and I'm not quite sure that it's productive.

I have an interview in upstate New York in two weeks. While it sounds like an exciting opportunity I'm worried about making such a huge transition with my family. It will be so disruptive and intimidating. But they are eager to meet me which isn't happening in Cleveland. And, more opportunities are popping up in markets outside of Ohio.

I'm trying to hold out hope for a NEO recovery but my patience is wearing thin.

The kids have only a few weeks left of school before they are out for the summer. This is going to be an interesting experience to be home with everyone while they are on summer break. I've never done THAT before!

I find myself falling into dangerous patterns of inactivity particularly with the television. ER at 10am and 11am and then Ed at Noon sucks the middle out of the day. I've got to stop it now. I think I'm going to purchase a recumbant bike to add some mandatory physical actviity to my day.

Well it's off to bed so I can chase a few more dead ends tomorrow.