Please Choose Me

Yeah, so about that Tri-C issue...

2005-11-04T09:50:00.000-05:00

Had a really weird "get out the vote" call from an Issue 6 phone bank worker:

"Good evening, Mrs. blah-blah. I am calling to ask
you to vote for Tri-C."

"I am pleased to support Tri-C. What is the tax
millage for this issue?"

"Uhhhhhh....that's a good question."

"Oh. Okay. Well, which issue number is this? I will
look it up so I'm ready at the polls."

"Look lady - I don't know. I only say what they
tell me to say."

Whoa.

So finally, something to say

2005-11-04T09:22:00.000-05:00

I've been working very hard to get things on track. My problem has been finding the track I am meant to pursue. I have been relentless in my pursuit of a corporate position but have come to the conclusion that a more entrepreneurial route will have to be my path from this point on because I will need to create a role for myself -- somewhere.

So I'm doing what many of my former colleagues are doing - consulting.

I've had a few immediate successes (read: paying assignments) and have a few big ideas in the hopper. But I've come to a strange crossroads on a particular pitch - how do I sell my services to an area corporation by pitching a HUGE idea that has the potential to put them on the map in a significant way without giving away the farm? Seriously, this is an organization missing out on a easy win opportunity but because they are not web-savvy and have missed out on tapping into an unserved customer base in a big way. I'd like to develop this market segment for them as a consultant or an employee but don't want to walk away empty-handed after my presentation.

Best of all: I know what their competition is doing and how to "un-do" the minor success they've had in the segment.

Everytime I work on this proposal I feel as if I'm telling them too much.

If you have any ideas I'd be grateful.

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.*

2005-08-14T05:06:00.000-05:00

*Thomas Jefferson

I ran into a friend a week ago who was shocked to hear that I've been unemployed for most of 2005. During the course of the conversation she told me not to worry, that I've led a "charmed life" and things would soon be back on track.

Charmed life? All I remember is the vast amount of time and energy I've invested to deliver the best possible work product, always do the right thing and to give my clients more than they expect. Yes, I strive to have fun/be happy while working because so much of life is spent on the job but - charmed? Now I wonder if that comes off as being lax because things appear to fall into place easily for me?

I've been working on a framework for my consulting practice as I continue to pound out 10-20 resumes a day. And, I have met with one person every day to bring this unnerving circumstance to a swift end. In scoping out my entrepreneurial concept I've had to come to terms with some very real personal limitations - I am not sure I can cold call. But I think I may have found a way to get around it.

My household is on a college campus tour schedule this month - trying to squeeze in as many before school starts as possible. And I'm painting, cleaning and trying to purge my household of unnecessary stuff. My brother gets married in two weeks. The kids return to school in one week.

Busy hands - happy heart.

I have good news and bad news...

2005-07-26T06:51:00.000-05:00

The good news is I don't have to leave Cleveland anytime soon.

That because (now the bad news) after three months of courting a potential employer...they want to find (not someone who can re-brand their products-manage their press-redesign a clunky looking website with no end-user value) someone who is passionate about investing. Not marketing mind you. Investing. The headhunter was at a loss to explain the decision and was feeling quite guilty about contributing to my confidence. "I would never have told you that it was a done deal if the President hadn't told me directly." My presentations were apparently "intimidating" to the VP of Sales.

So this morning as I write this with puffy eyes and a mild headache after drinking one too many vodka tonics at the Rush Inn with my friend last night, I need to buck up and start from scratch.

I'm going to work on a business idea that has haunted me for years as I work on my job search.

And I'll feel sorry for the company in upstate New York instead of myself. Because they made a very bad business decision by choosing to neglect the good of the enterprise in favor of sparing the ego of one individual. And I probably wouldn't have gotten the support needed to drive change.

In retrospect I think I dodged a bullet.

Girls just want to have fun

2005-07-24T06:40:00.000-05:00

Had to pick up my oldest from camp located on the outskirts of Dayton yesterday. My youngest and I left around 5:30am and decided we would turn it into an all-girl road trip. We sang along to what she deemed "girl music" and ate "girl food" and shopped at "girl stores" all the way and back.

Seven-year olds are cool that way - everything in life is an adventure/party.

Upon returning home, she ran into the house to fling herself at her Dad and cry "Daddy, I missed you soooo much. It feels like I haven't seen you for a week!" To which her sister (who hadn't seen him for a week) said, "Can I go out with my friends tonight?" without as much as a hug for her father.

Teenagers are infuriating that way - they take you from overwhelming pride to "I want to give you a lasting, swift kick in the butt" in nothing flat.

Why I would never survive below the Mason-Dixon line

2005-07-22T23:09:00.000-05:00

I've just about had enough of ninety-plus degree temps with 10,000% humidity - thank you.

I can't stand moving from my semi-air conditioned house to my air conditioned car to my air conditioned destinations. This is not normal and we are consuming shameful amounts of energy just to sleep normally.

[Don't even get me started about the "dry heat" crap my friends in the southeast routinely dish up. I spent a week in Phoenix during October where the temps ranged from 98 to 115 degrees. It was unbearably hot. Uninhabitable. And, I still don't understand why people choose to live in Florida...]

A cashier in a local shop offered "well, it could be worse, at least it's not snowing" as she tallied my purchases today. I smiled politely, nodded and said "yeah..." as I waited for my order. But, inside I was screaming "are you kidding me??"

I've had enough of my makeup melting off my face every time I set foot outside. I'm tired of wearing my hair in a twist to keep it off my neck. I can't stand to carry tissues with me to blot "the dew" (aka sweat drops) off of my brow.

I've come to really love and appreciate winter. You can always add a layer to warm up. You can always brew a pot of tea or have extra coffee during the course of the day to warm up. I get to hold my family hostage in the winter with the fireplace blazing all weekend while we cook endless pots of chili, soup, stew and pasta sauce. I frequently don't even wear a top coat until around Christmas and shed it in late February!

Upon arriving home I went into my garage to lovingly gaze at my cross-country skis and dust off the blades to my really (freakishly) white figure skates.

I've been begging everyone to go to Canada where it's in the seventies for a week or two but no takers. Maybe they think I'm joking.

This heat sucks the life out of me.

Pardon My Dust

2005-07-21T12:30:00.000-05:00

I haven't felt like writing much for the last week or so. I've chosen to be a lazy, unproductive slug. And, why not? It's not as if the local economy is behaving any better. So, for the moment I'm joining the club.

Still waiting for next step indicators from my second round of interviews from the far-off land of potential employers. Headhunters should accept that unemployed job seekers are very literal in processing any information that offers hope. If you say "I fully expect that we will be at the table by Wednesday of next week..." I will hear "I'll call you on Wednesday to hand you their offer and discuss your start date and color preferences for your new office."

Seriously. You don't tell your wife that you'll let her know how she looks in an outfit later because your hesitation just said she looks fat.

So now I sit here feeling fat.

In the meantime, some out-of-town consulting opportunities have popped up. Which figures because I couldn't possibly be an expert in my own hometown. I have to now consider part-time assignment offers in Albuquerque, Savannah and Paramus - all of which I am sure are wonderful places.

I've reread some of my posts and I'm disgusted that I sound like Debbie Downer. I'm really not depressed or bitter. Really. I've been enjoying my time off for the most part trying to remember that this is an opportunity to spend some rare quality time with my family - together and individually. A chance I may never have again once I return to work.

whenever that is.....wanck...wanck...WAHHHHHHk!

I have a false sense of security

2005-07-11T05:09:00.000-05:00

We've been taking in the images and news from last week's events in London with great sadness and horror. Yesterday, in our usual flurry of Sunday long distance calls, I was eager to have my mom reassure me that all of our family in the southeast was safe after the hurricane only to learn that my cousin's husband David was a few cars behind the bombed double decker bus, He suffered minor lacerations to the face and hands from windshield glass and some schrapnel damage to his car. The chilling footnote to this event is that David typically takes the train to work.

I am ashamed of my knee-jerk reactions to these events. And, I hate that I can't offer my children confident reassurance in the aftermath.

We'll call it the "Full Cleveland"

2005-07-05T05:17:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful Independence Day weekend. It was only just this morning that I realized that exactly how much we had packed into three days:

Saturday
- Grocery shopping at the West Side market
- Lunch with exhausted grocery-shopping daughter at Johnny Mango's
- Friend's birthday party at the Children's Museum
- Dropped off my son for his weekend with friends in Marblehead at his friend's family cottage
- Dinner with friends at Niko's (new favorite Greek place) in Lakewood

Sunday
- Early morning walk to the Rocky River boat launch (Eddie's boat docks) in the Metroparks and back - almost six miles
- Coffee on the front porch over a stack of newspapers (a day old) from all over the country which my husband picked up at Bank News
- Quick shopping trip to The Bin
- Mass at Noon (this late only because my older daughter served)
- Brunch with family at Max's Deli to extend our mid-day togetherness
- Sprinkler, water balloon and popsicle fest in my front yard with just short of one dozen kids under the ago of ten
- Carryout from Wu's
- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy at the Detroit Theater w/husband and youngest child ($3.50 admission!)

Monday
- Kamm's Corners 4th of July Parade (where Mayor Campbell did not get a very good reception)
- Decorated bicycle parade on our street where our kids discovered the cool sound a baseball card and a clothespin can makes in your spokes - how could we have forgotten to show them this???
- Backyard cookout with my family and an assortment of kid's friends with our new-found stock of Cotton Club pop including the very politically incorrect but face-staining good Cherikee Red
- Fireworks at Lakewood Park
- Ice cold beers and watermelon on the front porch with neighbors while we watched the kid's sparkler, glow stick, snapper, minor firework show and sang old songs on WMJI until midnight (I reign as the queen of all things Carpenters, Monkees and, sadly, Mungo Jerry...) My sides still ache from laughing for most of the evening.

I was trying to think of ways to be more supportive of independent business in greater Cleveland last week but over the weekend I realized that - in our home - the independent way has become business as usual - particularly for our kids. (I think most people in Lakewood gravitate to the mom and pop shops.)

And, we bask in the many friendships that have sprung from our patronage.

Happy Independent's Day!

You will be fortunate in the opportunities presented to you

2005-06-30T15:21:00.000-05:00

... that was my fortune on Excite.com today.

Writing from the Albany International Airport at the moment where I had to PAY for Internet access in TECH VALLEY!!! I had access to free Wifi in the weirdest, most unlikely places for the past two days - places where my mobile phone couldn't find signals I was still able to log in free. [Including Mrs K's Kitchen yesterday morning where two blocks away cows crossed the road in front of my car - I'm NOT kidding!] But, in the airport the meter is running and I had to do because my flight is delayed for who knows how long because of severe weather conditions in Cleveland. Go figure the gateway to Tech Valley dinging me for a $5 setup and and $2.99 an hour.

I had a lovely day of interviews. The Chairman, President, VP Sales, and three members of the management team interviewed me. My face hurts from smiling so much. But then, the ultimate in affirmation "Y'now Mel, John doesn't understand why you want this job. He thinks you are overqualified and you should be making much more than this job pays." [Even though it pays $30K more than my last job...] "Well, the economic conditions in Cleveland aren't conducive to blah, blah, blah. And, my husband and I have come to the conclusion that other markets present us with many more opportunities than northeast Ohio at this time. We are secure in this decision and prepared to do whatever it takes to gain full employment." "Well everyone can't believe our good fortune in finding you among the mountain of applicants."

I spent the rest of my time looking for the hidden cameras. Man, I might actually get an offer...which would in many ways, save the day.

Wow. Wish you could see all of the unhappy faces trying to get back to Cleveland in the midst of severe weather [and economic] conditions. And me, still paying for wifi TECH VALLEY... oh, the irony ...still not recovering from that one!

New rag in town

2005-06-28T04:14:00.000-05:00

After last night's swimming lessons we decided to carry out from one of our favorite local spots: El Tango Taqueria - fresh Latin & Mexican grill. Fish (red snapper) tacos, tequilla lime sweet potatoes and baked vegetable burritos. (I'm grateful that my kids are open-minded and willing to try just about anything because I would really miss this place if we had to go to McDonald's for happy meals to satisfy after-swimming starvation...)

While waiting for our order to be prepared we found an issue of the Lakewood Observer - a new independent source for local news and opinion dated June 28, 2005. You can also read it online at www.lakewoodobserver.com

It's just not going to happen for us in Cleveland

2005-06-27T04:58:00.000-05:00

My stomach has been in a constant state of upset these past few months. I've been waking up around 3-3:30am consistently since February in a state of panic. When I woke up this morning at 3:22am with my usual esophageal burning while scrambling for a Zantac I realized that I'm not anxious - just very sad.

So I welcomed the new day on my front porch thinking about how much our lives have changed because of my unemployment and how much more change I might have to foist on my family because it just not going to happen for us in Cleveland anymore.

I thought about how much my kids are going to miss going to the westside market early Saturday mornings, the Asian Plaza whenever the whim strikes us or just strolling Coventry. Or going to our favorite "joints" for weekend family breakfasts: John's Diner, the Borderline and the Highlander - where the white-haired men fresh from their lap swimming at Lakewood Y would order a side of bacon for just for my son (as a toddler) when he would join them in the corner booth while the blue-haired ladies would braid my (as an older toddler) daughter's long hair and flirt with the buff guys in the corner booth.

Playing with our lab at Rocky River beach, community parades and festivals. And spending many afternoons in amazing libraries. Will our next community have amazing libraries? Will I be able to take a van-load of teenagers to see Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight? Will we find a place like Malley's to celebrate every school concert and science fair?

These are only a small handful of things we take for granted as a family. Now I struggle to find ways to make my family excited about the "possiblities" of forging new favorites and memories. I received a relocation kit in FedEx last week which freaked out my older kids - as if to say "I'm not bluffing about this move thing..." Needless to say they really freaked out. I was awe-struck by how attractive it makes Tech Valley in New York seem. With the kit came an invitation for my husband and I to join the Executive Institute - a kind of mini Leadership Cleveland for new transplants so they are plugged in to the community shortly upon arrival. They have everyone meet for three hours, every other week for eight sessions where they introduce you to the Chamber membership, the arts, civic volunteer opportunities, the neighborhoods, etc. Not to mention the the "trailing spouse" programs to help connect them to the employment market, member recruiters and and network with other trailing spouses. They have organized in such an impressive manner that makes a prospective transfer feel very welcome. This is a very smart approach.

This is going to be a very long and emotional week. I fear this may be the week we choose to leave Cleveland as a family.

Seven days to a new job

2005-06-26T08:48:00.000-05:00

I found this on MSN's website this morning. While this isn't necessary new information, I thought it was presented in a concise manner. In fact, I might give this approach a try if I don't receive a job offer in New York this week.

http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Custom/MSN/CareerAdvice/viewarticle.aspx?articleid=392&sc_cmp1=js_392_jshub_more7

Let's just throw a dart at a map

2005-06-23T17:16:00.000-05:00

Serious, serious discussions in our house this morning about acceptable and unacceptable employment markets. Specifically locations to which we would/would not agree to relocate. The winners are:

Cincinnati
Louisville and Lexington, Kentucky
Nashville, Knoxville and Memphis, Tennessee
All Atlantic coastal states except Florida
Illinois, Wisconsin and select parts of Michigan
Pennsylvania, I suppose...if I have to...

I know this doesn't appear to be a very targeted/narrowed list but we felt as if we accomplished a lot by ruling out the locations that were just not feasible because of the distance from our family and friends. It also makes my search feel like a foregone conclusion that it just isn't going to happen for us in Cleveland anymore.

So now I move on to regional employment boards...

Coping with job loss

2005-06-23T17:01:00.000-05:00

MSN posts advice on what to do if you lose your job. Its an easy read and not really ground-breaking. Sometimes it's just nice to know you've covered all the bases.

http://special.msn.com/careers/reinventyourcareer.armx?GT1=6617

Practice round...

2005-06-22T17:11:00.000-05:00

I have to say that the work I've done with my coach in the last three months has been the most rewarding of my career. Seriously. It's very liberating to have an opportunity to practice tough interview questions and then have some assistance in re-framing a response to really hit the target.

I'm convinced this is the reason my first round of interviews went so well and why I am feeling so relaxed in preparing for my second round next week.

It is an amazing and humbling experience to have someone who cares about your success - not about sparing your feelings - pull you aside and redirect your inclinations in content, context, attire, etc. etc. I think I'm a much stronger candidate for having experienced this and promise to share the wisdom in my new career wherever I happen to land.

Everyone should have access to this in life. [That, and a hair template so you never leave a salon with a stupid- looking, unflattering or ridiculously trendy haircut.]

Whoa Nelly!

2005-06-22T17:05:00.000-05:00

Earlier this morning I stumbled across a really disturbing blog: http://uglyohio.modblog.com/ It seems as if John had a false-start in his blogging career but, I must say, some of these statistics are stupefying.

I sit here hoping that this is the by-product of bitterness over a forced relocation...

But why is Ohio at the top of every bad list and the bottom of every good list??

Cautiously optimistic....

2005-06-21T20:30:00.000-05:00

So, here it is.

First, the good news. I'm not a sociopath - I passed the psychological battery with flying colors. I'm also not vocationally deviant...my work-style, communications-style and values all match nicely with members of the firm. It would seem that I am a good fit. And, because we all still have warm and fuzzy feelings about our last meeting, I have been invited to return to New York to meet with the remaining partners/principals of the firm next week for round two of interviews. I must say that this news is quite a relief.

Still coming up empty-handed in northeast Ohio. I spent the last two days blitzing. I had to stop around 4:00 p.m. today because my eyes refused to focus clearly. Have many more opportunities to respond to/follow-up on tomorrow. So far, only three were located in Cleveland.

While it's exciting (and a minor ego boost) to be sought after...it's a bittersweet victory knowing that an offer will have us packing our Cleveland-centric lives to head to allegedly greener pastures.

These are classic!

2005-06-20T21:00:00.000-05:00

Never could resist a good prank. Check these out:
http://www.pocket-lint.co.uk/newsimage.php?newsId=1318&image=5

Working with my head down. Writing like a maniac. More to follow....

I'm just humoring him...

2005-06-18T16:31:00.000-05:00

So, I spent my Saturday in Lowes and Home Depot shopping for materials to, in my dear husband's words: "get the house ready for a move at the drop of a hat. Wherever you find a great opportunity - we go!"

Right.

New carpeting. New laminate flooring in the kitchen. Ceramic tiles in the two bathrooms and back entry. Let's choose paint chips for every room in the house...

I love watching the home improvement shows but my husband's brain is having a violent reaction to the exposure. He has an urge to make everything neutral before the end of June. [I don't exagerate when I say not every project happens this quickly in our home. My oldest lived with nursery wallpaper until two years ago...] It would have been nice to actually have lived in the house that looks like our end of day plan.

My unemployment has freaked my husband out to such an extent he's actually working on the house. Not that it's a BAD thing!

Still not interested in relocating....

Marathon Woman

2005-06-17T18:24:00.000-05:00

I have decided I am going to do a non-stop blitz of mailing for a 48-hour period responding to every posting that matches my criteria/skills/background in every area of the country I believe my family could tolerate. I plan to lock myself in the home office only stopping for the necessities.

I am also going to re-contact every lead I've received this year.

I will launch this quest on Monday.

Let's see what feedback this effort brings.

In the meantime, I will prepare to celebrate my husband as father with my children - garden like a wild woman in the cooler temperatures annnnnnddd sleep. Yeah, that's it. Sleep.

Come Monday, look out.

What would I have done differently?

2005-06-17T08:59:00.000-05:00

I remind myself - frequently - that I want to live my life without regret because of the amount energy wasted by the unproductive emotions and frame of mind. So, it is with enormous guilt I occasionally wallow in my "shoulda-woulda-coulda" episodes followed by flashes of blinding anger. I don't want to be bitter.

I find that I replay the script of the past ten years in my mind as I slog through another day's pile of position postings - again, all outside of Ohio's borders. Would I still have a job if, instead of staying laser-focused on my responsibilities and results, I had become Cleveland's greatest suck-up? Would I have been less expendable? I find myself looking over my shoulder trying to figure out "why me?" and not obvious dead-wood, high-maintenance/trouble-making or luxury hires. [Honestly, how many administrative assistants does one really need?] What do I do to be staff reduction-proof in the future?

What a different world I would be in at the moment if everyone was measured by the results of their contributions and willingness to be held accountable.

This is who I choose to be. These are the values I pray have been imbedded my children's psyche's.

Consider this fair warning

2005-06-16T06:47:00.000-05:00

After months of responding to hundreds of online job postings, my coach thinks I ready to e-mail, call and generally harass people in my rolodex. My elevator speech is honed. My verbal resume has been practiced. I'm in general good form as a result of my last successful round of interviews. She tells me that, for the first time in this business, she's finding that her clients are having equal success from every possible means of entry/introduction: print ads, online postings, networking, recruiters, etc. In the past success was heavily weighted toward networking which I have been putting off in hopes of going it alone.

I'm doing the print and online. I've had some good results with my recruiter contacts. Now I have to go bug people I like.

Maybe I'll clean the attic instead.

Some good - Some not so good

2005-06-15T06:51:00.000-05:00

I have to say I am really impressed with my subscription to Upladder.com. For $25 a month, I receive a weekly listing of jobs in the $100K+ market - that don't pop up on every job board in America - deposited into my email box. Right now the only problem is staying on top of response to the new opportunities.

Well, one of the problems.

The other concern, of course, is how few opportunities appear in my home market. So each response represents a request to relocate. Please hire me so I can leave the place where my husband and I grew up; where we were educated; where we have been raising our children; and, where we play as a family. Unfortunately it's also the place from which 5 out of 6 of our best "couple" friends have moved.

I'm not in search of a decadent, fancy, extravagant lifestyle. I'm looking for a quiet, happy life which allows me to provide for my children and their education, take an occasional quiet, relaxing vacation. Replace or repair the things that need attention in our home. Not worry about our cars' state of repair.

I was told if I did well in school, worked hard, pleased my employer and played well with others - these things (and more!) would always within reach. It doesn't feel that way right now.

Sorry, I'm having a pity party which I promised myself I'd avoid.

Oh, and for the record...

2005-06-12T21:37:00.000-05:00

Resume Rabbit sucks. All I've received since ponying up $60 is a constant barrage of other resume distribution services, career "marketing experts" to teach me how to present myself to the employer market, resume writing services and pyramid marketers with life-altering sales opportunities. In a nutshell, people who are hoping to own a piece of my checkbook because clearly - I'm a Rube. I pay for spam.

Don't fall prey. You can post your resume free of charge on every job board in the nation and get better response.

Again and Again and Again...

2005-06-12T20:57:00.000-05:00

Today I responded to the same position for the third time. I'm not exagerating. First, posted on Monster.com by the company. Then again to an anonymous address via UpLadder. Now with the Management Recruiters International office in Raleigh-Durham. Same job. All inside one week. Wonder if anyone will actually follow-through.

For the first time since 1990-ish someone asked if I thought response was low because I'm female. Huh??? Man. I hope not. It never even occured to me that it might be a possibility. My coach has worked with me for a long time to get me to the right frame of mind for this search.

"Mel, you've paid your dues ten times over. I want to see you land in a great job with a great salary."
"Mel, you've got to stop apologizing for the fact you have such depth and breadth of experience. The problem is that most men look at a position and say, 'let's see, I have about 40% of the qualifications this employer is looking for so I'm eminently qualified.' While most women will say, 'I have 80% of what this employer is looking for...I'll check back in a year or two when I've acquired the rest of the skills they want.'

Somewhere around 25% of my energy is spent staying upbeat, energized and planning to do something every day to return to full employment. The remaining 75% is spent pounding through and responding to job postings; following up on leads from my circle of pals; and writing thank you notes.

Exactly how much of my energy should I devote to masking my gender?

What was I thinking?

2005-06-11T09:37:00.000-05:00

Scratch that last post. I must have been sleep-blogging. She is SO grounded.

Networking After Hours

2005-06-11T04:59:00.000-05:00

Just sent my daughter's friend home. They had apparently been talking in the backyard since around 1am. Now I know I'm supposed to be outraged that she snuck out of the house without our knowledge and was outside long after she should have been in bed BUT I remain impressed by how supportive her friends are of one another. Seriously. Someone has a problem - they IM each other right away. Collect the advice of their trusted advisors and then deal with it. When things are really sticky they seek out the support and wisdom of a trusted advisor in person. Sometimes just for a hug to be reassured they are doing the right thing. How can I be upset with this methodology? Okay I'm NOT thrilled with the fact we had no idea she was not tucked safely in her bed but I am in awe of how her network of friends cope with upheaval and stress.

In the meantime, here I sit unable to pick up the phone to tell people I've worked with/confided in and helped in the past that I am actively seeking a new position because I was a victim of a post-merger corporate downsizing.

Maybe I'll sneak out tonight. I need a hug.

Brain Drain?? More like a flush.

2005-06-10T20:48:00.000-05:00

Just learned that a friend's position at CWRU was eliminated today. That makes five of us. Five friends. Five different organizations. How did five people with exemplary work histories, solid track records with measurable accomplishment and twenty years of civic volunteerism end up on the streets of NEO?

I teeter on the verge of hating this place.

Now what?

2005-06-10T08:05:00.000-05:00

I believe the stars have conspired to prevent me from working on my job search this week. First, the heat wave: my children are miserable and unbelievably in need of coaxing, ideas and a continuous stream of popsicles. Second, some of my community commitments are - well, not doing so well and need a lot of extra attention and time. And now this. My younger brother in law died in his sleep after a long illness exacerbated by years of reckless choices and a complete disregard for his health.

I surrender.

Random Rant

2005-06-09T07:06:00.000-05:00

The following has absolutely nothing to do with my quest.

Is nothing is sacred? In this case, specifically the English language. I'm at the end of my rope with most Cleveland area newscasts. Exactly when did it become acceptable to pronounce "str" > "shtr"? Shtreet. Shtrong. Shtrep. Shtripe. Shtrom Thurmond. etc. etc. One of the local newsreaders on Channel 19 actually said "shniper" during the Columbus sniper scare. Okay, to be fair, she did cringe when she said it so it may have been an innocent shlip. But, she said it. I think it may have been the naked one...

News anchors used to be the gold standard for impeccable use of language and speech. People used to actually aspire to be like them by emulating speech patterns and pronunciation. Apparently we now apsire to be shtreet. (or is it ashpire?)

In my house we do the "shtr" count by repeating the offending word in front of our kids so we can share in a good laugh over their ignorance. Then we change the channel. You know things are really getting bad when you witness Wilma doing it... We choose to vote with our remote. So far, Channel 3 evening news is winning. (Not WKYC's morning news...even though they have the best chemistry and delivery...Chandler has fallen victim to the trend.)

Listen for it - you won't believe how many times it happens in a half-hour news cast. Then it will drive you nuts.

In a nutshell

2005-06-08T17:18:00.000-05:00

I'm coming the conclusion that when you are unemployed you are poison. The ultimate persona non grata.

It's true. No one likes to admit it but when you are faced with a friend or family member who is unemployed you have a physical reaction to the news. You try hard to not be horrified. Secretly you think "thank God it's not me". You offer your help with a convincing "let me know if there is anything I can do". And, then gradually, you drift out of that person's life. I know this because I now recognize I have, too.

However, what I've recently learned is that this is also the time when you learn the identities of your real friends. You learn the composition of your spouse's true moral fiber. You find out if you've trained your children well. And, you gradually uncover new strengths and abilities you never attributed to yourself.

This has been a season of soul-searching and fear for me. I've allowed myself to be weak in the presence of others. I've had to be blunt with my children. I don't regret a minute of it.

I just really want to get back to work. And, if possible, soon.

If not Cleveland...

2005-06-08T17:01:00.000-05:00

I found this really cool site to help you identify markets based on your personal preferences. As it turns out, many of the opportunities I am responding to already match my www.FindYourSpot.com cities. Before this assessment, I was using SWAG methodology. To validate my findings, I had my husband take the quiz so we could do an overlay of our results. We only had a two market variance! You've got to check this out.

It went "very nicely"

2005-06-05T17:53:00.000-05:00

On Friday I received a call from the recruiter who told me that the CEO thought our interview went "very nicely" and they would like to "take the next step" by having me complete a battery of psychological tests. Apparently they've not asked any of the recent candidates to move on so this is a good sign.

They are actually work style-values-communication style questions. Which is interesting. The questions are repetitive and odd. You are discouraged from taking a middle-of-the-road stance in your response forcing you to always agree or disagree.

The other odd challenge will be coming to consensus with my family on whether or not they REALLY want to move 400 miles away. I'm getting a weird vibe I can't sort out.

I want to be excited because someone is finally showing interest in my skill set.

Hello? Hello?

2005-06-03T08:48:00.000-05:00

Day 3 - post interview. The mind games are sure to begin. This is where I convince myself that I'm not worthy of a good opportunity and should just settle for any offer from anyone who will hire me at any salary.

Now at the conclusion of the interview the president did tell me not to be offended if I don't hear from them right away. He interviewed in April and came on board in October. The recruiter confirmed the slowness of their deliberation.

The lack of feedback is excruciating. The lack of feedback in life is hard enough but to put on your best "love me, love me" show, answer questions with great care and skill and smile until your face feels like it's going to fall off and not get a follow-up, "they really liked you" or "they want to go in a different direction" is enough to drive you mad.

I've got to devise a plan for channeling my frustration into healthy avenues. Maybe I will re-do my garden or paint all of the bedrooms OR empty my basement and attic of all of the unnecessary stuff clogging my life.

Anything but moping. Although moping is all I really feel like doing right now.

And Now I Wait...

2005-06-01T21:26:00.000-05:00

I had a very good day yesterday. The flight to New York. THE interview. Flight home was a bit frustrating - two hour delay.

So, the interview went pretty well. The people were really nice. The office was beautiful. The town was beautiful. And, I think I clicked with the President - to whom the position reports. But now I have to wait for the feedback and any possible notification of next steps. Thank you notes are in process. I spent some time this morning speaking to the recruiter to recap the discussion. He agreed that it sounds as if I had a successful day.

Of course, now I'll spend the time second-guessing myself. Did I misread the non-verbals? Am I being overly optimistic? Am I so desperate that I will believe every meeting is the meeting to my next job?

And now I wait to hear the feedback. Whenever that happens.

Family Outing

2005-05-29T22:33:00.000-05:00

So, today. Interesting day. Met my future sister-in-law's brothers and their families. My brother and my soon-to-be s-i-l hosted a cookout at their home. It was fun and eye-opening. My brother in a domestic situation. My brother manning the grill. My brother behaving like an adult. It was wonderful. I am so excited for him. My children are over the moon about the whole thing. They acquire a new aunt and three new cousins in the deal.

Just one weird fear cast a pall on my afternoon. I feared the inevitable, "so what do you do" question and the the "look" that follows. The "oh, isn't that a shame - now let's move on" look that you have to squirm around in public when you make people uncomfortable with your unemployed state.

Thank God it never came up.

Future s-i-l however did mention the out-of-town interview. She doesn't want us to leave Ohio now that we are to become part of the same family.

Frankly, I wish I could stay in NEO too but it doesn't appear to be in the cards.

A Little Devine Intervention

2005-05-29T19:45:00.000-05:00

One more thing. It occurred to me today that I've been praying much, much more than I ever have in the past. A lot more.

A few days to go

2005-05-28T13:59:00.000-05:00

before I have the interview for a really great opportunity. Or, for what I think is a really great opportunity. We'll see on Tuesday I suppose. I think the best possible outcome would be for them to really want me. It's weird to be on the lookout for opportunities to validate your worth in the marketplace. I can't even begin to explain how needy you feel after going for days or even week without any feedback from your correspondence. It's really depressing. And, energy draining.

Even if I do have a positive outcome, I am faced with the prospect of uprooting my family. Moving almost 400 miles from Cleveland to start over in a new location. I can't say that it makes me wildly popular on the homefront. My oldest is absolutely livid that we may be faced with a move in her senior year. I can't say that I blame her. But, we have to do what's best for the entire family. We've decided that having a steady and sufficient income is a good thing. All except one member of the family. I don't know if she will ever come around or forgive me.

My portfolio is coming together. I'm reviewing my talking points and interview guide.

Hope they want me. And, in turn, I hope this is the right place for me.

Maybe this long period of waiting is a good thing

2005-05-21T22:45:00.000-05:00

Today, for the first time in months, a handful of really great jobs have surfaced locally. I'm eager to respond and present the best package I can but am a little wary of becoming too hopeful. Because I've been looking for a while now. But, I was thinking earlier today that maybe this extended dry spell is a good thing. I've had the opportunity to really think about what I will and will not do for a living. I have been able to really think about what I'm worth in the marketplace. I've always been willing to take whatever I'm offered - which I know is a bad strategy - but have never felt secure or confident enough to hold out for what I really want.

But I've come to realize that I can do a lot for the right company. I just need to find it.

The little things in life keep you going

2005-05-20T12:28:00.000-05:00

So, I've been pretty successful sticking to my "do at least one meaningful thing a day to find a job" pledge to myself. Most days I spend hours responding to dozens of positions posted in a long list of jobs boards. But even at my lowest point I've managed to at least one meaningful action.

My husband said something to me yesterday that really buoyed my spirits, "you know, there are companies with people who work just the way you do. You just have to hang in there until you find them. Because once you do it will make all the difference in your career."

He's right. I need to work with people who don't stop working until a job is done. People who feed off of one another's enthusiasm and ability to brainstorm. People who don't settle for good enough. People who delight in exceeding expectations and leading the charge. I just need to hang tough until I find them.

I'm one week away from my interview in upstate New York. I can't believe how nervous I am. I've really got to get it under control before then.

Still trying to get on with life

2005-05-19T02:42:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how many online opportunities exist to spend money on a job search. Seriously. Today I decided to bite the bullet and register for Resume Rabbit a distribution aggregator. They will post my resume on 103 websites within 48 hours (for $59.95) and frankly better them than me because I am blind and burned out from responding to daily postings and posting my credentials on job boards. It's humiliating and frustrating and I'm not quite sure that it's productive.

I have an interview in upstate New York in two weeks. While it sounds like an exciting opportunity I'm worried about making such a huge transition with my family. It will be so disruptive and intimidating. But they are eager to meet me which isn't happening in Cleveland. And, more opportunities are popping up in markets outside of Ohio.

I'm trying to hold out hope for a NEO recovery but my patience is wearing thin.

The kids have only a few weeks left of school before they are out for the summer. This is going to be an interesting experience to be home with everyone while they are on summer break. I've never done THAT before!

I find myself falling into dangerous patterns of inactivity particularly with the television. ER at 10am and 11am and then Ed at Noon sucks the middle out of the day. I've got to stop it now. I think I'm going to purchase a recumbant bike to add some mandatory physical actviity to my day.

Well it's off to bed so I can chase a few more dead ends tomorrow.

One day at a time

2005-04-01T10:22:00.000-05:00

Today I meet with my outplacement counselor to review my verbal resume, a resume cover letter to headhunters and to outline my approach to consulting firms. No lie. Recognizing that it's completely irrational, I feel like time is running out for me. So, to force some postiive reinforcement from the broader employment market my resume will now be faxed to 2,500 headhunters all over the country. For the first time I used the phrase: "Open to relocation" in my communication. Moving is the last thing I need to consider at this point. I have a house in a continuous state of renovation and need of repair. Two kids in high school - one will be a rising Senior. But, I need to do this. I'm beginning to really feel as if Cleveland has nothing left to offer me.

I really hate how quickly days pass now. For the first time in my life I make plans and don't follow through. The day is over before I can get significant momentum going. I've really got to stop wasting time. I also need to snap out of this foggy mindset.

I've practically stopped drinking coffee. And, I'm actually getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night. This is a vast improvement over my usual pattern of 5-6 hours.

Today is the last day of Spring break for my kids. We should do something fun together.

A Tragic Milestone

2005-04-01T02:32:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I am officially unemployed three months.

While this may not seem like the end of the world for many - this is the longest I've been unemployed since my sixteenth birthday.

I can't believe how the resume that astounds family, friends and colleagues has yet to open a door for a single interview. This is insane.

My days are spent emailing and calling former colleagues and acquaintances; scanning zillions of job boards; and, generally working to to convince myself that:

this is only temporary;
I will land in a much better place for a much better salary; and,
I won't have to leave northeast Ohio to land on my feet.

From here things can only improve.